She thought he was neurotic. He thought she was psychotic. The Navy thought they were the perfect pair.


Shelby Ryder is a loose cannon. A Kansas farm girl, she became a Navy SEAL to avenge her parents, who were killed on vacation when a Russian sub torpedoed their catamaran. Earl Bernstein, from Chicago, became a SEAL to get away from his over-protective parents. Earl’s the sensitive type. He writes poetry and worries about his teeth enamel eroding.  


The Navy thought by pairing them together they would balance each other out. They were wrong.  


After brushes with the law and staying just this side of sanity, Shelby and Earl are on the verge of being de-SEALed. Now they’ve been given one last chance to redeem themselves.  


It’s a simple enough mission: they’re tasked with finding a United States senator who disappeared in Cuba while playing golf. But then one day the president tweets that the Russians are responsible, and things get perilous in a hurry. Soon it becomes clear—if Shelby and Earl don’t get the senator back, the situation will escalate into a nuclear war. So into the steamy Cuban jungles filled with snakes, spies and a German tuba band, the pair ventures, breaking every rule of civilized behavior known to man as they desperately try to find the senator before the missiles fly or Earl runs out of anti-cavity rinse.



Being Navy SEALs was everything to new partners Shelby Ryder, a  Kansas farm girl, and Earl Bernstein, a hypochondriac from big city  Chicago. They completed their first mission successfully, but okay, in  the process they accidentally blew up an F-16, wiped out a regiment of  Cuban soldiers and caused an international incident. Despite the little  hiccups, they were expecting a hero’s welcome, so they were stunned when  the unscrupulous administration in Washington duped, dumped and, worst  of all, de-SEALed them.


The Navy always thought for them. Now they have to think for themselves. And that’s a scary thought.


They’re  downhearted but not defeated. Despondent but not done. No, embers of  the SEAL spirit still burn within them, and along with their de-SEALed  commanding officer, eighty-five-year-old Bertha “Bull” Gompers, they set  out to clear their names, be re-SEALed and prove to the world that  they’re not zeros. They’re heroes.


In their minds anyway.  

It’s de-SEALed Navy SEAL partners Shelby Ryder and Earl Bernstein’s third mission, second opportunity to be re-SEALed and first chance to do something right. Oh, they’ve been in trouble with the government before, but this time if they fail, they’ll face a firing squad.


The mission is simple enough. A key ally of the president of the United States has been murdered by the Dark Cowboy, a mysterious figure holed up in the Arizona mountains, and the president gives Shelby and Earl a deadline to bring him back to Washington dead or alive.


So, off the dedicated, if somewhat trigger-happy, pair venture into the sun-scorched, spooky Superstition Mountains, where they encounter dehydration, ghosts and just about everything but the Dark Cowboy. Now with time running out and the firing squad imminent, they realize they’ll have to use more than their weaponry to complete the mission. They’ll have to rely on their wits.


In other words, things don't look good.

Lainey Tripper is a whiskey-drinking hard-living animal rescue feminist. But she has just this one little problem: she can’t seem to stop killing men. Not all men are so bad, and not a few of them are attracted to her, but when Lainey leaves a rescue, dead men are invariably left in her wake.



Lainey heads FART (Feminist Animal Rescue Team), a group of women dedicated to stopping the villainous Donovan from oppressing women and animals. But now Donovan, intent on world domination, has taken his evil to a new level. He’s systematically stealing Chicago’s dogs to sell them to a foreign power.


In Lainey’s enthusiasm to stop Donovan, she again kills a lot of men. Her fellow FARTers plead with her to moderate her man-killing tendencies, but Lainey’s pretty sure any guy she kills deserves it, and besides, she must do whatever it takes to save Chicago’s dogs.


Will Lainey stop Donovan in time? And when she’s done, will any men be left alive?